Akito's Diary
by Akito The Sex Goddess
Summary: She'd kill you if she found out you were reading this. Rated M for crude humor and language.
1. Entry 1: I'm Awesome

Dear Diary,

So, Kureno made me write this stupid diary because he's a fag.

Actually he's a cock.

Akito made a funny.

Anyway, I'm sitting here writing this because Kureno said I have anger issues and that this would apparently help. Then I threw a vase at him.

But I'll write in it anyway, because he said if I didn't he'd leave me.

The bitch.

So I'm gonna tell you a little bit about my life.

My name is Akito Sohma, I'm turning twenty in December. My dad Akira was awesome until he slept with his maid who I'll refer to as CumDumpster aka CD. Sadly I look like CD, only "it" has bigger tits. That pisses me off.

So I have this stupid family that turns into animals when hugged by the opposite sex. I don't like any of them because they're all cunts.

Especially Shigure.

Kureno is my favorite, but Shigure can go suck humongous black rooster.

That would have been funnier if Kureno was black.

I hope neither of them read this, because if they do I'll kick their asses.

I'm sort of regretting writing this in pen.

Anyway back to my life.

I'm a girl but CD made me dress like a boy because "it's" crazy.

Curse this vagina.

But at least people won't make fun of my lack of tits if they don't know I actually have any.

Ummm... Sometimes I wish I had a sibling.

My favorite things do to are paint and beat people up. Especially ones named Shigure.

He's the Dog of the Zodiac. Which means he turns into a dog when he's hugged by bitches. I mean women.

Isn't it ironic? I'm the God of the Zodiac and he's the Dog.

If you can't figure out why that's ironic go fuck yourself.

I gotta go because my hand is cramping and today is masturbation night for Akito.

See you in hell,

Akito Sohma


	2. Entry 2: Fuck Fuck Fuck

Dear Diary,

FuckFuckFuck.

That is what I want to do.

Also that's how I feel.

I woke up this morning and decided to call Shigure because I was bored.

But that reminded him to remind _me_ that we had a big family trip coming up.

To the summer home.

I told him that was retarded, but then he reminded me that I had agreed to it months ago.

Fuck.

To punish him for talking back I had to fuck him.

Little bastard.

Anyway that was about 9 am, so then I decided to paint all over the walls.

Life gets boring when no one comes to visit you.

So now I want a party.

But I hate people. So a small party. A party of people I can yell at.

Eh, now I don't want to, 'cause I'll see enough of them at that fucking summer home.

CD.

I wanna talk about how much I hate "it".

"It" sounds like sex.

Fuck!

FuckFuckFuck.

That's my new favorite word.

Anyway, that was really off-topic. But, I guess this is a diary so what the hell is off-topic anyway?

I can talk about anything!

Like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens.

Tohru Honda gagged and tied in a knot.

These are some things that I wish would just rot.

I'm even more bored than before.

I still don't see how this will make my anger issues go away.

FuckFuckFuck.

Wow, I've already used up a page in my diary.

I'm gonna write really big and fill up the next one.

KURENO

SUCKS

HUGE

DICK

HA

HA

HA.

Okay I'm done.

I'm gonna go prank the maids.

Fuck all of you,

Akito Sohma.


	3. Entry 3: RingADingDing

Dear Diary,

Well yesterday did not go so great.

Let's just say I ended up spraining my ankle.

I was trying to prank the maids by putting a bucket of water over the door, you know?

But instead of water I used oil because that's a pain in the ass to get out of your hair.

Hehehe. Right?

I forgot it was slippery.

I was taking a bath for two hours before Hatori had to examine my foot for an hour.

Worst night of my life.

Let's just say the pain meds made me sleep like a baby.

But they also made me really hyper.

WHICH IS A PAIN IN THE ASS BECAUSE I CAN'T WALK.

I want one of those bells though.

You know, so people can wait on me hand and foot.

Hahahaha I can just imagine.

Okay, so I just asked Kureno for a bell, and he said no, because I'll misuse it.

But then I said if he didn't get me one I'd stab him again.

So now I have a bell.

WHEE!

Ring.

Ring ring ring ring ring.

I'm gonna ring this bell for the next 20 minutes and ask for things I don't need.

I fucked your mother,

Akito Sohma


	4. Entry 4: Blue Balls

Dear Diary,

I feel like killing people.

More than normal.

Let me tell you why.

ALL THE FUCKERS MUST DIE.

By all the fuckers, I mean my family.

And by die, I mean get their teeth yanked out one by one, then suffocate on their own pooling blood.

It's the first day of our summer vacation in the summer home.

OF COURSE IT'S FUCKING TERRIBLE.

It's too hot. The sun is too bright. The water is too wet. The sand is too sandy. The room is too clean. And my family is too fucking cheery and annoying I want to shoot each and every last one of their brains out.

FUCK ME STRAIGHT UP THE ASSHOLE.

Speaking of, I have been blue-balling for a good week now, and there is no end in sight.

KURENO IS BEING A CUNT.

This is Kureno.

8=== o:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Fucking ballsacks.

I would literally rather being eating whale testicles than sitting in this room right now.

Everyone else is outside having fun instead of taking care of me.

WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

Fuck it. I'm going to masturbate.

Lick my hairy nutsack,

Akito


End file.
